Caltrop
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caltrop
They may be thought of as the landmines of antiquity, useful to shape the battlefield and force the enemy into certain paths and approaches, or to provide a passive defense as part of a defensive works system.
Oh pish. The real “landmines of antiquity” were steaming piles of cow shit… AMIRIGHT?!!
Oh, but I am. Fun fact: the British Special Operations Executive, a secret offshoot of MI6 (the equivalent to the U.S. CIA, more or less) created during World War II, developed actual land mines that were disguised as piles of cow shit.
Ingenious… except nobody in their right mind goes out of their way to step on a pile of cow shit, right? (But then again, people are weird.) The exploding cigars the CIA developed for Fidel Castro in the 50’s seem like they’d be more effective than exploding piles of shit to me.* (But then again, he’s still alive.)
Anyexplodingpileofshitway… caltrops. New words excite me, and I’m glad to add this one to the arsenal in my brain. I’ve always just referred to them as “tire spikes,” which is indeed one of their modern uses, but is akin to calling a tissue a “snot rag.” Or a boner a “towel rack.” Or a banana a “laxative.”**
Uhh… boy, am I ever STRAIGHT FLUSHed*** thinking about all this. It’s just all so… stimulating.****
…
…
Or maybe it’s because I’m drunk.
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*Note to Self: That Wikipedia article on “Exploding Cigars” should probably be your next post.
**Note to Self: “Laxative” seems like a pretty good next post, too. WAIT, shit, you’re showing your hand—quick, bluff your way out of it!
***Note to Self: Smooth move, Ex-Lax. No wonder you never win at Poker Night.
****RRRRRRRRIMSHOT!
(Source: gatherer.wizards.com)
