Things I Wikipedia

Gyp

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 21:52:00 -0800

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gyp

Gyp may refer to:

A cheat or swindle

“Gyp” doesn’t really have a Wikipedia entry, only a disambiguation page. The above definition is what I was searching for initially.

Now, to be fair, Wikipedia didn’t know that I wasn’t searching for the writer Sibylle Gabrielle Marie Antoinette Riqueti de Mirabeau (1849-1932), aka Gyp, or the rock Gypsum, or gangster Harry Horowitz, aka Gyp the Blood. Whose details I am more than happy to add to my repertoire of useless knowledge.

The issue at hand, though, was the etymology of the word “gyp.” Earlier today, I texted a friend that “I’m conflicted because I don’t want to gyp them, but I also don’t want to royally dick myself over in the process.” (in re: my fees. Because, if you have to ask, bitch, you can’t afford me!)

My phone refused to recognize my Swype pattern of G-Y-P as a valid word while I was composing the text. Now, this isn’t indicative of anything, really: this phone also consistently autocorrects “phone” to “poutine,” “better” to “beyer,” and suggests words like “isac,” “trev,” “nieves,” “nyers,” and “devel.” (Fuck you, Droid!) However, I felt a momentary panic about whether I was spelling the word right—did it start with a J? I was reminded of my continual anxiety about the word “gibberish.” Or is it “jibberish?” I’ve never actually looked it up.

* Note to self: do that.

A quick Google search proved that my instincts were correct. But it got me thinking as to where the hell this word came from in the first place.

So, the fact that Wikipedia doesn’t actually have an entry for the word itself was kind of a downer. On the upside, I got to read about cheating and confidence games (which I already knew quite a bit about, given I wrote a research paper in college about the book “Confidence Men and Painted Women: A Study of Middle-class Culture in America), and also had the pleasure of being reminded of the Simpsons episode where Homer and Bart become grifters.

For those who have followed this rambling post, and are still interested in the origin of the word gyp, enlightenment can be gained via Dictionary.com, who lists the etymology of gyp as “to cheat, swindle; probably short for Gypsy.”

Those damn Gypsies, always trying to score a buck? (/Lira/Euro/etc.)

RACISTS (And Other Stories)

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 10:48:58 -0800

This fellow named Seuss, not a surgeon was he
Yet he still could sense sickness, I think you’ll agree
Corruption and malice, oppression and greed—
He found people’s wrongdoings grievous, indeed.

While pondering this, the Doc had to admit
That he did not like it. Not one little bit.
Thus driven, he did what he figured was best:
He’d tell a few tales, and let us do the rest.

All his books—they were popular! Flew off the shelves!
For in all of his characters, we saw ourselves
And although he sleeps soundly now, deep in his grave
I still thank him for teaching me how to behave.

(Ed. Note: Not actually a Wikipedia post, but I wanted to share this anyway.)

Wonderlic Test

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 17:08:57 -0800

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wonderlic_Test

While an average football player usually scores around 20 points, Wonderlic, Inc. claims a score of at least 10 points suggests a person is literate.

On the other hand, some well-known players have scored low on the test. Dan Marino scored a 16 and Vince Young also scored a 16 on the test his second try, after sources confirmed his previously reported score of six to be erroneous.

Vince Young’s score of 6 was “confirmed” as erroneous by the people that drafted him. Interesting.

These are the things I learn by watching the Superbowl with my buddies!

Cyclopia

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 17:26:00 -0800

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclopia

Typically, the face is either missing or replaced with a non-functioning nose in the form of a proboscis.

Most such embryos are either naturally aborted or are stillborn upon delivery/ hatching.

Folks, this is not an article about the Cyclops, that one-eyed giant of Greek myth, as depicted above in a piece by French Symbolist painter Odilon Redon. I hated this painting the moment I first saw it years ago in an art history class, and I have continued to hate it because, frankly, it creeps me the fuck out.

Rather, this Wikipedia article is about Cyclopia—a rare birth defect of both humans and animals—and it is far, far creepier than this painting. Especially the image that the authors have chosen for the page.

So, um, don’t click on this link unless you want to see a picture of a dead human baby born with cyclopia. (Reread the block quote above.) And this is coming from someone who tosses dead baby jokes into conversation as often as god kills a kitten over someone masturbating.

You’ve been warned.

Justin Timberlake (Relationships)

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 14:29:00 -0800

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Justin_Timberlake#Relationships

In the August 9–15, 2008 edition of Heat magazine, when Timberlake was asked to describe his perfect woman, he replied “About 5’7” -5’8”, nice butt, Midwestern American, kind-of-German last name, green eyes, big pouty lips, fair skin, ahhh….sinewy bod…”

Oh god. I can’t even. I just can’t.

Why am I even reading this in the first place?

The world may never know. (e.g. I’LL NEVER TELLLLL!!!)

Image courtesy of dailymail.co.uk

Link Rot

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 15:33:06 -0800

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Link_rot

The 404 “Not Found” response is familiar to even the occasional Web user. A number of studies have examined the prevalence of link rot on the Web, in academic literature, and in digital libraries. In a 2003 experiment, Fetterly et al. discovered that about one link out of every 200 disappeared each week from the internet.

The 404 “Not Found” response is familiar to even the occasional Web user… and so is the subsequent rage.

Autophobia

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 13:56:50 -0800

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autophobia

Autophobia (from the Greek: ἀυτο, auto, “self” and φόβος, phóbos, “fear”), is the specific phobia of isolation; a morbid fear of being egotistical, or a dread of being alone or isolated.

Autophobia is also used in its literal context to mean an irrational fear of oneself

In a perfect world*, I’d have some sort of magic wand that I could wave to induce Autophobia in victims of my choosing. Think about it: couldn’t the world use more people who are morbidly afraid of being egotistical?

Now, now, get off your “absolute power corrupts absolutely” high-horse—I’d make great effort to use this power cautiously, judiciously, and only for the Greater Good. It would be reserved strictly for people like violent, megalomaniacal political dictators, or the Kardashian sisters.

*for me

Image: “Self Fear” by Dominic McCann

Ettore Boiardi

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 18:33:48 -0800

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ettore_Boiardi

The patrons of Il Giardino d’Italia frequently asked for samples and recipes of his spaghetti sauce, which he often gave to customers in old milk bottles. Boiardi began to use a factory in 1928 to keep up with orders, setting his sights on selling his product nationally.

And that is how a humble immigrant boy named Boiardi from Piacenza, Italy, who loved to cook more than anything else, came to be the king of processed, mass-marketed, canned schlock.

Why… it’s Chef Boyardee, of course!

Signore Boiardi would be proud to know his face graces the packaging of the traditional Italian offerings from his eponymous line, such as the classic “Cheesy Nacho Rotini”.

America: where dreams come true!!

Images courtesy of Time.com and chefboyardee.com

Independent Order of Odd Fellows

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 17:17:05 -0800

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Independent_Order_of_Odd_Fellows

The command of the IOOF is to “visit the sick, relieve the distressed, bury the dead and educate the orphan.”

One might expect the “people are strange” tag to be apt for a group of people deeming themselves “Odd Fellows.”

But one would unfortunately be incorrect in that assumption.

Assume, ass, you, me, etc.

Image courtesy of http://www.jacksonvilleor.us/?page_id=495

Italian Profanity

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 16:51:54 -0800

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Italian_profanity

“VADO A BORDO, CAZZO!”

Useful information, in case you ever need to chastise an Italian captain who crashes a cruise liner full of people, and then abandons ship during the rescue effort.

Not like that ever happens.

Photo courtesy of AFP.com

Micronesia

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 17:47:00 -0800

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Micronesia

Micronesia is a subregion of Oceania, comprising thousands of small islands in the western Pacific Ocean. It is distinct from Melanesia to the south, and Polynesia to the east. The Philippines lie to the west, and Indonesia to the southwest.

I’m going to come right out and admit that I don’t know jack shit about geography of the Pacific Islands. Ok, maybe a little bit more than jack shit… queen shit? King shit? But nothing more than the bare minimum required to not be considered deplorably ignorant.

I at least also know where Indonesia and the Philippines are, and I’ve heard of places like Guam, but if you want anything more specific than that… I’m fucked. I’ve never traveled anywhere in that direction beyond Hawaii, and I’ve never had a good reason to bone up on my knowledge, being a typical kid raised and educated in the good ole’ U S of A.

Do not mistake my candor for indifference: my ignorance does not imply that I consider myself better than the residents of that region.

Which is more than I can say for some people.

Take this recent exchange between friends:

“You know who the ugliest people in the world are?”

“…um. Ok. Who?”

“Micronesians.”

“……………WHAT THE FUCK???! Have you even ever met any Micronesians?”

“Nope, but just do a Google Image search for ‘Micronesian people,’ and tell me they’re not the ugliest people you’ve ever seen.”

I swear to god this conversation happened. In fact, it happened in a hot tub, so we couldn’t immediately investigate this dubious claim of his (though a subsequent Google Image Search for ‘Micronesian people’ did nothing to dispel the dubiousness). I at least could address the follow-up question of “And where the fuck is Micronesia, anyway?”, having recently Wikipedia’d it for reasons I don’t remember. (I have a feeling it had something to do with figuring out where the fuck Oceania is.)

Also, I stopped watching Survivor after the second season, or else I might have known that the 16th season of the show was Survivor: Micronesia. I don’t apologize for that.

So now, at least, I’m confident I know where Micronesia is (even if I recognize only one of its constituent islands*), and I’m confident that Micronesian people are not any uglier than the rest of world, at least according to Google—who never lies, right?

What I never figured out, though, was why he was googling “Micronesian People” in the first place. I guess that will have to wait until the next drunken Palm Springs hot tub party.

With apologies to Micronesians everywhere,

Things I Wikipedia

*Banaba, an outlier of Kiribati; Gilbert Islands, which forms part of Kiribati; Mariana Islands, politically divided between the United States territories of Guam and the Northern Mariana Islands; Marshall Islands (United States territories)[and the one I recognize]; Caroline Islands, politically divided between Palau and the Federated States of Micronesia; Nauru; Wake Island, a United States Minor Outlying Island

Anything at All

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 17:01:00 -0800

http://en.wikipedia.org

In solidarity with today’s 24-hour Wikipedia blackout, Things I Wikipedia has decided to also black out.

(Drunk.)

VIVA EL INTERNET!!!!!!

Rosie Ruiz

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 14:03:00 -0800

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosie_Ruiz

In addition, her time of 2:31:56 was an unusual improvement, more than 25 minutes ahead of her reported time in the New York City Marathon six months earlier. When asked by a reporter why she didn’t seem fatigued after the grueling race, she said, “I got up with a lot of energy this morning.” Some female competitors thought it was odd that, when asked what she had noticed about Wellesley while running through it, she did not mention the students of Wellesley College, who traditionally loudly cheer the first women runners as they pass the campus.

I’ve never been one for “physical fitness.” (I’m what might be generously termed “phlegmatic.”) Growing up, kids always seemed stronger, faster, or better at me than everything, be it soccer or rollerblading, and it was kind of a bummer. It’s not that I didn’t try… I just, uh, didn’t try very hard.

Every 4th of July, my hometown hosts a 5K-10K race. (This is Southern California, after all.) It’s sort of a tradition for people to run the race in the morning, go to brunch, and then watch the parade. After a couple of half-hearted years of trying to keep up with my sister (a personal trainer) and my good friends (cross-country runners) in the race, I just gave up. One year, I dragged my friend Christy down to my level: we slept late, rollerbladed down into town, and snuck into the race with the rest of our friends a quarter of a mile before the finish line.

They were sweaty, exhausted, and not amused. But they still went out to brunch with us afterwards.

Now, imagine that instead of a 4th of July Fun Run, this was the Boston Marathon, and instead of saving time by rollerblading, we had jumped on the subway; and instead of joining our friends, we had actually cut in front of everyone else; and instead of joking, we were serious.

Because that is precisely what Rosie Ruiz did in 1980.

Rosie seemingly came out of nowhere to win the race in a record-shattering time, “the fastest female time in Boston Marathon history as well as the third-fastest female time ever recorded in any marathon,” and an improvement of more than 25 minutes from her previous New York Marathon time. All without visibly breaking a sweat! Or raising her heart rate! Or appearing in any race photos!

After about a week of investigating, race officials stripped Rosie of her title and awarded it to the “second place” winner, Jacqueline Gareau, whose time still ended up being a record for the course.

And Rosie?

In 1982, Ruiz was arrested for embezzling $60,000 from a real estate company where she worked. She then moved back to southern Florida, only to be arrested for her involvement in a cocaine deal. At last report, she was working in West Palm Beach as an account representative. To this day, she still maintains that she ran the entire 1980 Boston Marathon.

In other words… somewhat less awesome than brunch.

Davian Behavior

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 14:38:00 -0800

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Davian_behavior

There was an old miner named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave
You have to admit
He hadn’t much wit
But look at the money he saved!

Davian behavior is, essentially, sex with a corpse—and is actually named after this limerick.

Are you kidding me?

Apparently not. “Davian behavior” has been observed in ground squirrels, frogs, praying mantises, and mallards. In regards to the latter:

[Dutch researcher] Moeliker surmised that at the time of the collision with the window the two mallards were engaged in a common pattern in duck behavior which is playfully called “rape flight”. “When one died the other one just went for it and didn’t get any negative feedback — well, didn’t get any feedback,” according to Moeliker. This is the first recorded case of necrophilia in the mallard duck- though not the only recorded case of homosexuality within the bird family.

Wow, let’s hope Rick Santorum doesn’t hear about that one, or we’ll never hear the end of it.

In humans, of course, this behavior is called “necrophilia,” and is classified by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders of the American Psychiatric Association as a paraphilia: sexual arousal by atypical situations that “cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.” Other paraphilias include pedophilia (kids), zoophilia (animals), and coprophilia (feces). [*Not to be confused with coprophagia or coprolalia.]

Side Note: The current paraphilia criteria also include exhibitionism, voyeurism, sadomasochism, fetishism, and transvestitism—which many (including me) would argue do not necessarily cause distress or impairment of functioning in society. And let’s not overlook the fact that homosexuality was classified as a paraphilia up until 1973.

Sigh.

Regardless… most of us can agree that having sex with a dead body is—in layman’s terms—pretty fucked up.

Necrophilia is actually broken down into a 10-tier spectrum. According to Wikipedia, these tiers are:

Role players

Romantic necrophiles

People having a necrophilic fantasy – necrophilic fantasizers

Tactile necrophiles

People having a sexual fetish for the dead – fetishistic necrophiles

People having a necromutilomania – necromutilomaniacs [arousal via dissection of a corpse]

Opportunistic necrophiles

Regular necrophiles

Homicidal necrophiles

Exclusive necrophiles.

I didn’t really want to go into the specifics of these. I’m not sure my life will be enhanced by knowing what “tactile necrophilia” entails, or more about “homicidal necrophiles.”

Your kink is not my kink.

Titi [Cyrilla]

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 13:11:00 -0800

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyrilla_racemiflora

Cyrilla racemiflora, the sole species in the genus Cyrilla, is a flowering plant in the family Cyrillaceae… Common names include swamp cyrilla, red titi, black titi, white titi, leatherwood, ironwood, he huckleberry, and myrtle.

Equal-opportunity titis!!!

#LOL #HAHA #TITTIES

#IAMFIVEYEARSOLD

Aar

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 12:28:00 -0800

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aar

History

The river’s name may be attested to [sic] in the Gaulish (Helvetic) Berne zinc tablet which dates back to Roman Gaul. Its Roman name was Obringa.

All well and good—but did the river ever have PIRATES???!

[audience boo]

Right. Probably not… but it fucking has BEARS.

ggrrrrrraaaaaAAR!!!

[audience boo]

N.B. Alternate spelling: AARE. Useful for crossword puzzles.

Image source: http://nobeatenpath.com/2010/08/03/bern/

List of Frivolous Political Parties

Sat, 31 Dec 2011 17:12:11 -0800

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_frivolous_political_parties

Australia

Deadly Serious Party (defunct)

Imperial British Conservative Party (see also: Cecil G. Murgatroyd)

Sun Ripened Warm Tomato Party (defunct)

Party! Party! Party! (defunct)

Surprise Party (defunct)

Belarus

Beer Lovers Party (liquidated* in 1998)

Canada

Canadian Extreme Wrestling Party (defunct)

Christian-Atheist Party of Canada (defunct)

Prince Edward Island Draft Beer Party (defunct)

United Kingdom
Church of the Militant Elvis Party

Citizens for Undead Rights and Equality

Death, Dungeons and Taxes Party

Fancy Dress Party

Glow Bowling Party (defunct)

Hardcore: You Know the Score party (defunct)

I Want to Drop a Blancmange Down Terry Wogan’s Y-Fronts Party, for which Pamela Stephenson stood for parliament

Mongolian Barbecue Great Place to Party

New Millennium Bean Party

Man, what I wouldn’t give to be a part of the “Party! Party! Party!” Party.

Speaking of parties… yes, G.Wash is technically wearing a birthday hat in the picture above, but let’s pretend he’s wearing a Happy New Year’s hat.

And a happy new year to you all! Thanks for following, I promise more posts in 2012, and… stay safe.

*lol

Feminine Rhyme

Thu, 22 Dec 2011 15:33:00 -0800

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminine_rhyme

A feminine rhyme is a rhyme that matches two or more syllables, usually at the end of respective lines, in which the final syllable or syllables are unstressed.

Oh like, I dunno, say… MISS NANCY / AUNT FANCY ?!!!

I can’t stop myself!!!

James Buchanan (Personal Relationships)

Tue, 20 Dec 2011 22:03:00 -0800

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Buchanan#Personal_relationships

For fifteen years in Washington, D.C., before his presidency, Buchanan lived with his close friend, Alabama Senator William Rufus King. Buchanan’s and King’s close relationship prompted Andrew Jackson to call King “Miss Nancy” and “Aunt Fancy”

James Buchanan was the 15th U.S. president (1857-1861), and the only one to never have been married. The rumors about his sexuality have evidently swirled since even during his own time. The fact that this bigoted, homophobic, Puritan nation *might* have had a gay Commander-in-Chief just tickles me to the core. But this business about his… special friend… being called “Aunt Fancy” by Andrew Jackson just makes me love the dude even more.

Side note: Speaking of Andrew Jackson—lover of slavery, hater of Indians—I’ve never forgotten this fantastic story from a college history class:

Due to a series of escalating arguments in which each party hurled insults at each other, Jackson and an attorney (Charles Dickinson) agreed to a duel— to the death. Because that’s how arguments were settled back then, and Jackson was never one to back down from a challenge. The only problem for Jackson was… Dickinson was known as an expert shot.

Jackson decided to let Dickinson fire first, with the hope that he’d somehow miss his first shot. (This was beyond a Hail Mary pass.)

Now, by some act of God, Dickinson MISSED. Jackson took aim and returned the shot… right in the groin*. Of course, he wasn’t aiming for the groin, per se, but his musket had misfired. Bullets tended to be a little less reliable than they are these days. And that beyond lucky crotch shot caused Dickinson to bleed to death, meaning Jackson would live, go on to become president, indirectly kill thousands of Indians by making them march on the Trail of Tears, and quarantine the survivors on the Reservations.

But that thing about Dickinson missing? He didn’t, really. He most definitely shot Jackson—in the fucking chest —he just happened to miss the heart, lodging a lead bullet in Jackson’s chest that he would carry around for the rest of his life, “rattl[ing] like a bag of marbles,” and eventually causing him to die of lead poisoning.

Fun facts, brought to you by the History majors of America!

Ok. So Buchanan’s “inability to impose peace on sharply divided partisans on the brink of the Civil War has led to his consistent ranking by historians as one of the worst Presidents.” Whatever. Bro had spunk.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

ALSO: I AM IMMEDIATELY CO-OPTING THE TERM “AUNT FANCY”

*According to Wikipedia, Jackson shot him in the chest, not the groin. But I prefer to take the word of my college professor, a 19th century American history scholar, and the professor that loved me the best.

Paul Weller

Sat, 17 Dec 2011 13:43:24 -0800

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Weller

He is also the principal figure of the 1970s and 80s mod revival and is often referred to as the Modfather.

Honestly, it doesn’t matter who Paul Weller is at this point: if he were to make me an offer… I wouldn’t refuse.