Things I Wikipedia

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/non_compos_mentis

Although typically used in law, this term can also be used metaphorically or figuratively; e.g. when one is in a confused state, intoxicated, or not of sound mind.

I should get this tattooed on my forehead. Cuts down on all the stupid crap people bother me with like “Why didn’t you call me back? I left you five voicemails! ” and “I’m sorry, this card was declined—would you like to try another? ” and “Hey, um…. do you know where that expensive bottle of beer that I was hiding in my closet went?” and “I think you might have ketchup on your pants… or that blood?” and “You look fun, wanna come back to my place?”

Actually, it probably would make the last one more frequent. And come to think of it, it likely won’t have any effect at all, because people are stupid.

And I, clearly, am not. I already knew what that meant.

In every element of genius, there is an element of madness.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/India_pale_ale

Among the earliest known named brewers whose beers were exported to India was George Hodgson of the Bow Brewery, on the Middlesex-Essex border. Bow Brewery beers became popular among East India Company traders in the late 18th century because of the brewery’s location and Hodgson’s liberal credit line of 18 months.

It’s International IPA Day… Drink up!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Li_Bai

Many of the Classical Chinese poets were associated with drinking wine, or more precisely, alcoholic beverages. In fact, Li Bai was part of the group of Chinese scholars during his time in Chang’an, called the “Eight Immortals of the Wine Cup”, as mentioned in a poem by fellow poet Du Fu. However, Li Bai is of special note in this respect. As Burton Watson put it, “[n]early all Chinese poets celebrate the joys of wine, but none so tirelessly and with such a note of genuine conviction as Li [Bai].

Li Bai (aka Li Po, among other Westernized spellings) is one of the most prolific and well-known Chinese poets of the Tang Dynasty. Famous for his technical prowess and “glorification of alcoholic beverages (and, indeed, frank celebration of drunkenness),” Li Bai penned such works as “Drinking Alone in the Moonlight,” translated below:

A pot of wine, under the flowering trees;
I drink alone, for no friend is near.
Raising my cup I beckon the bright moon,
For her, with my shadow, will make three people.

The moon, alas, is no drinker of wine;
Listless, my shadow creeps about at my side.
Yet with the moon as friend and the shadow as slave
I must make merry before the Spring is spent.

To the songs I sing the moon flickers her beams;
In the dance I weave my shadow tangles and breaks.
While we were sober, three shared the fun;
Now we are drunk, each goes their way.
May we long share our eternal friendship,
And meet at last on the paradise.

I, too, am a poet who frankly celebrates drunkenness, having penned such works as the following haiku:

I drink to forget
how stupid I act while drunk
oops, infinite loop

Mr. Li, I pour a little out for you now. May you rest easy in the everlasting bender of paradise.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hiram_Walker

Walker began selling his whiskey as Hiram Walker’s Club Whiskey. It became very popular and American distillers became angry, and forced the US Government to pass a law requiring that all foreign whiskeys state their country of origin on the label. This move backfired; Hiram Walker’s Canadian Club Whiskey became more popular following the change.

In addition to these notable accomplishments, Mr. Walker was also a cattle breeder and was party to a famous contracts case known as “The Pregnant-Cow Case.”

I hope it’s not being implied that involvement in such a legal dispute as “The Pregnant-Cow Case” is anything less than noble.

By-the-by, said Pregnant Cow Case is officially Sherwood v. Walker and is indeed famous, serving as a prime example of what’s known in the legal world as a “mutual mistake.” Two parties enter a contract believing something to be true (a cow is infertile), only to have it turn out to be false (surprise, knocked up!). Does the contract still stand despite the mistake? Well, it’s complicated: for the contract to be voidable, the mistake has to be material rather than collateral, which mmmmmmnnnnnnmgfjrh#6berr@

Sorry, I nodded off there for a second. I can’t help it: legal stuff bores me to absolute, abject death.

My sister keeps telling me to apply to law school. I usually tell her there’s no way I’d pass the bar—I’d rather go in. But now I’m wondering if I’ve found a cure for my chronic insomnia…

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Date_rape_drug#Types_of_drugs

Some assailants have committed “rapes of convenience” whereby they have assaulted a victim after he or she had become unconscious from drinking too much.

C’mon baby, don’t be afraid
if it wasn’t for date rape I’d never get laid.*

Drink responsible-like, kids! It’s a scary world out there.

Also, I apologize for the lack of posts lately. The internet has been down at my house (CURSE YOU VERIZON!), and I feel like someone cut off my oxygen.

*Ed. Note: Not true.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toast_%28honor%29

This is great. Being a drunk, I can’t believe I haven’t looked this up yet!

Best subsections are Traditional Toasts and Worldwide, since I’m always looking to add to my repertoire of creative ways to justify getting hammered. In Ireland, it was “Slainte!” (“Good health!”)  over Jameson; in Italy, “Chin-Chin!” (clink of the glasses)  over wine; in college, “To the face!” (“Stop…hammered time”)  over whatever we could find, and in China, it was “Gan bai!” (“Empty the glass!”)  over baijiu, as I’ve documented previously.

(In the post referenced above, I failed to mention that one of these Chinese drinking sessions involved snake blood mixed in the baijiu. From a snake that was beheaded in front of us. Followed by a nice meal of fried snakemeat. To male virility!)

(yum)

Thanks to this article, I plan on toasting to “a bloody war or a sickly season” on Thursdays, as the British Navy does, and “Tzvertji nye vy Şorcj” (May death come swiftly to your enemies), as the South Ossetians do.

Thanks, Anonymous Formspring User!

Ask me something!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bock

Android User/British Citizen: “A bock’s not a Belgian.”

Blackberry User/American Citizen: “Sigh. Next things you tell me will be fortune cookies aren’t Chinese and butter doesn’t need to be refrigerated.”

AU/BC: “They’re not, and it doesn’t.”

BU/AC *facepalm*

——

BU should be ashamed, given her German heritage. Bocks are indeed not from Belgium but from Germany, and they pack a punch. Dopplebocks range from 6-10% ABV and “were considered ‘liquid bread’ by the monks” who brewed them. Eisbocks range from 9% to 43%.

43% is not a typo. Vodka clocks in around 40%.

It’s on the internet, it must be true.

——

What’s going on here?

Follow the rabbit trail!

——

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triple_Bock

Blackberry User/American Citizen: [slurring] “I don’t hold my liquor ‘cause it never holds me back!”

Android User/British Citizen: “Clever girl.”

BU/AC: “That reminds me, I drank all the rest of the Sam Adams I had at home. Sadness. You might knock it, but it gets the job done.”

AU/BC: “The seasonal stuff isn’t bad. But my god, their Triple Bock was amazing. I don’t think they even make it anymore, it was around for a couple of years in the ’90s. That’s a crying shame. It had an insane alcohol content.”

BU/AC: “Sam Adams did a Belgian style? Why’d they murder it? Do they hate freedom?”

AU/BC: “I think the more sensible question is, where can we find it?”

—-

17.5%. The Emperor of Beers. In 1994, 1995, and 1997, at least. But the most curious thing to me is why 1996 was a gap year…

A simultaneous search indicates there is one bar/club that allegedly stocks it within 100 miles of me. There are a few bottles available through eBay and other online vendors. One (220 oz, a little more than half a standard 12oz bottle)  goes for $10. Seems pricey, until you consider it’s more than 3 times as strong as your average beer. Yowza!

If I didn’t have 83 cents in my savings account at the moment, I’d have already sprung for it. As it is, I’ll probably just drink some discount hobo vodka and call it even.

——

What’s going on here?

Follow the rabbit trail!

——

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/veisalgia

Also known as a “hangover.” Or, for me, “today.”

Given the nature of yesterday’s activities, I don’t think anyone can fault me for it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nate_Dogg

Where you been, Dogg?

…oh. Shit.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baijiu

“Because of its clarity, baijiu can appear similar to several other liquors, but generally has a significantly higher ABV than, for example, vodka (35-50%), Japanese shōchū (25%), or Korean soju (20-45%), and its flavour is distinctive and unique.”

Yeah, distinctively disgusting.

Then again, I was drinking the type known as Er guo tuo: 56% ABV (112 proof), cheap, and “particularly popular among blue-collar workers across northern and northeastern China.” Because that’s how I roll.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beer_can_pyramid

“…often called a beeramid.” Favorite pastime of frat boys, snowed-in college students, and the lethargic twenty-something unemployed. (Who, once the structure is completed, then then take it in its entirety down to the local recycling center to trade it in for nickles. Not speaking from experience.)

And once you’ve graduated from dabbling in amateur monument construction, consider moving up into the pros:

(Check out http://www.manofest.com/Galleries/Geek/20-Amazing-Pieces-Of-Beer-Can-Art/ for more. Go ahead, feel small and unworthy.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delirium_Nocturnum

WANT.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shillelagh_%28club%29

Irish up your next St. Patrick’s day beat-down with a little Jameson-fueled rage stick.

Like you need another excuse to get violent, ya feckin wanker.