Things I Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ettore_Boiardi

The patrons of Il Giardino d’Italia frequently asked for samples and recipes of his spaghetti sauce, which he often gave to customers in old milk bottles. Boiardi began to use a factory in 1928 to keep up with orders, setting his sights on selling his product nationally.

And that is how a humble immigrant boy named Boiardi from Piacenza, Italy, who loved to cook more than anything else, came to be the king of processed, mass-marketed, canned schlock.

Why… it’s Chef Boyardee, of course!

Signore Boiardi would be proud to know his face graces the packaging of the traditional Italian offerings from his eponymous line, such as the classic “Cheesy Nacho Rotini”.

America: where dreams come true!!

Images courtesy of Time.com and chefboyardee.com

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sierra_Mist#History

Following initial test marketing, PepsiCo first introduced Sierra Mist in 2000, replacing similar soft drinks such as lemon-lime Slice and the test-marketed Storm.

I’m more of a Diet Coke and Diet Dr. Pepper person these days [read: I have a serious addiction and need help], but back in the days of yore before dependency, lemon-lime soda was an occasional special treat that I’d enjoy out at rare excursion to a restaurant, at Disneyland, etc.

While perusing the soft drink aisle in my latest bender-driven shopping trip, I had an epiphany and realized I felt more like drinking something that wasn’t laced with aspartame and caffeine. Blame it on dehydration. (The L.A. heat is getting to me.) While reaching for the Perrier, Sierra Mist caught my eye, and I was suddenly hit with a vague emotional reaction that bordered on… anger? Disdain? Contempt?

Of all the things I could have gotten emotional about that day (and believe me, there were many)…why would it be a soda?

I had to get to the root of it. After I paid for the Perrier and commenced rehydration, I investigated.

And now it’s clear. I remember the hierarchy of lemon-lime sodas from the aforementioned soda habits of my youth: the holy trinity of Sprite, Slice, and 7-Up. 7-Up was the quirky oddball, not usually available in dining establishments, but always the one my mother bought for home. Sprite might have been the King, the ubiquitous public option, but it was more of a catchall standard order at a restaurant. If you ordered a Sprite, the waitress would ask apologetically, “We’ve only got Slice; is that ok?” (AKA, “We’ve only got Pepsi” for ordering a “Coke.”) Now, Slice might have been the also-ran to Sprite, BUT—it really didn’t matter to me which of the three I got. I just wanted the flavor profile I had associated with the excitement of going out and doing something fun. 

But in 2000, Sierra Mist replaced Slice. And… whoa. Suddenly the Powers that Be (PepsiCo) had arbitrarily stepped in and said, “Hey! Let us tell you what you’ll like. Here’s a NEW COOL THING that is TOTALLY COOL and looks totally different from the old thing but is WAY BETTER than the old thing and now you TOTALLY want to buy it! Forget the old one, this is NEW and IMPROVED!” OK. 7-Up, Sprite, and… Sierra Mist? OH HELL NO. My world was rocked. And I’ll be fucked if I let someone ruin the superficial, structured understanding of the world that I’ve constructed to serve as a metaphor for emotional stability in my life. Down with change!

Fuck you, Pepsi, I won’t do what you tell me!!!!!!!

The Sierra Mist debacle is the first time I can actively remember becoming aware of being susceptible to pernicious whims of advertising execs, of struggling with identity through the psychological connection with consumer products. It made me reevalutate the things I had come to rely on in my life for comfort, and opened the doors to the great existential angst of finding yourself. Heavy stuff.

And now, I’m going to keep drinking my Diet Coke while I play with my Motorola Droid.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meterology#Meteorologists

“Many radio and television weather forecasters are professional meteorologists, while others are merely reporters with no formal meteorological training.”

You don’t say…

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_jobs

Blackberry User: “Not bad, not bad.”

Android User: “Wow. He’s adopted, biological father is a Syrian Muslim and mom is an American. He dropped out of college after a semester, in which he took a calligraphy class. He went to India and came back a Buddhist. He called LSD the most important thing he’d ever done in his life.”

BU: “Wow, I said the exact same thing verbatim about doing hash for the first time after not smoking any pot for years.”

AU: “You would.”

BU: “Ahem…so what you’re saying is, Jobs is the shit.”

AU: “Yeah, but despite all those awards, Ive has a CBE. I think he can’t even get one as an American, anyway, but still.”

BU: “CBE? Is that one of those hoity-toity knight titles?”

AU: “Yes. Although I forget what the rank is. As a British citizen, I should know this…”

——

Jobs is, indeed, the shit. And Android User, for the record, has dual British and American citizenships. A third-culture kid. AKA, greedy.

——

What’s going on here?

Follow the rabbit trail!

——

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Jobs#Beginnings_of_Apple_Computer

Android User: “I’m still got Jony Ive’s page open, reading about his career. Interesting, he was hired upon the return of Steve Jobs’ in ‘97.”

Blackberry User: “Return? Where’d he go”“

AU: “Well, he was fired. Don’t you remember?”

BU: “Steve Jobs was fired?”

AU: *double take*

BU: “Look, I don’t know a ton about the history of Apple. Plus, I was probably too young to notice. You might be mentally immature, but I’m chronologically immature.”

AU: “Well, I don’t know what what evidence there is to support the idea that you’re somehow mentally mature, but yes, Jobs was fired.”

BU: “Why?”

AU: “To the internet!”

——-

Jobs was fired. “While Jobs was a persuasive and charismatic director for Apple, some of his employees from that time had described him as an erratic and temperamental manager… and at the end of May 1985 – following an internal power struggle and an announcement of significant layoffs – Sculley relieved Jobs of his duties as head of the Macintosh division.”

Ouch. Then again, the dude went on to buy The Graphics Group from Lucasfilms, which became Pixar. And, of course, Apple after he was rehired. So he’s not doing too bad, all things considered.

And Blackberry User was right—BU would have been a year old at the time of Jobs’s firing.

——

What’s going on here?

Follow the rabbit trail!

——

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Ive

Scene: The Bar. Over good beers.

Android User, checking Twitter feed: “Hmm, this guy just said something about Jony Ive, but didn’t @ reply him. The guy’s GOT to have a Twitter account.”

Blackberry User: “Who?”

AU: “Oh come on. Apple? Main designer? Responsible for their whole modern aesthetic? Jobs can basically never fire him, because he’s so important to the company. He’s probably more important than Jobs. I wonder what his actual title is…”

——

Senior Vice President of Industrial Design, in fact. Designated “world’s smartest designer” by Fortune Magazine and “most influential Briton in America” by The Daily Telegraph. Not to mention CBE, “Most Excellent Order of the British Empire.” Also a sexy, sexy man, apparently. Image is pilfered from Fuck Yeah Jony Ivey, if you’re into that.

——

What’s going on here?

Follow the rabbit trail!

——

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patti_Stanger

The millionaire matchmaker candidates “submit a tiny biographical sketch on a DVD, similar to that of any Jeopardy contestant on-air bio.”

Somehow, I doubt those bios are similar in anything except structure.

Friend: “Dude, that chick’s, like, 50.”

Me: “What?! there’s no way she’s in her fifties.”

Looks like I was *technically* right…

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_Lazaridis

“At age 12, he won a prize at the Windsor Public Library for reading every science book in the library.”

Power to the nerds—this dude’s rich. He’s the evil genius behind the Blackberry. Meanwhile, Steve Jobs is cackling in his igloo of gold blocks.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Hat_Briefings

Oops.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BP

Who are these bastards, anyway?

——-

All shenanigans aside, here are ways you can help the Gulf Coast while sitting on your ass in front of your computer with your credit card in your pocket. It’s the least you can do.

Help provide the families in the Gulf with emergency assistance (food, rent, etc.) with United Way: http://www.unitedway.org/gulfrecovery

Help find and save the wildlife covered in oil, and recover the ecosystem that sustains them with The National Wildlife Federation: http://www.nwf.org/

Help the long-term recover of the Gulf’s natural habitats with The Nature Conservancy: http://www.nature.org/wherewework/northamerica/gulfofmexico/

We all live on this planet.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subway_%28restaurant%29#Doctor.27s_Associates

Subway: Endorsed by 0/10 actual doctors. Eat fresh!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Restitution

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drop_shipping