Things I Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Davian_behavior

There was an old miner named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave
You have to admit
He hadn’t much wit
But look at the money he saved!

Davian behavior is, essentially, sex with a corpse—and is actually named after this limerick.

Are you kidding me?

Apparently not. “Davian behavior” has been observed in ground squirrels, frogs, praying mantises, and mallards. In regards to the latter:

[Dutch researcher] Moeliker surmised that at the time of the collision with the window the two mallards were engaged in a common pattern in duck behavior which is playfully called “rape flight”. “When one died the other one just went for it and didn’t get any negative feedback — well, didn’t get any feedback,” according to Moeliker. This is the first recorded case of necrophilia in the mallard duck- though not the only recorded case of homosexuality within the bird family.

Wow, let’s hope Rick Santorum doesn’t hear about that one, or we’ll never hear the end of it.

In humans, of course, this behavior is called “necrophilia,” and is classified by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders of the American Psychiatric Association as a paraphilia: sexual arousal by atypical situations that “cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.” Other paraphilias include pedophilia (kids), zoophilia (animals), and coprophilia (feces). [*Not to be confused with coprophagia or coprolalia.]

Side Note: The current paraphilia criteria also include exhibitionism, voyeurism, sadomasochism, fetishism, and transvestitism—which many (including me) would argue do not necessarily cause distress or impairment of functioning in society. And let’s not overlook the fact that homosexuality was classified as a paraphilia up until 1973.

Sigh.

Regardless… most of us can agree that having sex with a dead body is—in layman’s terms—pretty fucked up.

Necrophilia is actually broken down into  a 10-tier spectrum. According to Wikipedia, these tiers are:

1. Role players
2. Romantic necrophiles
3. People having a necrophilic fantasy – necrophilic fantasizers
4. Tactile necrophiles
5. People having a sexual fetish for the dead – fetishistic necrophiles
6. People having a necromutilomania – necromutilomaniacs [arousal via dissection of a corpse]
7. Opportunistic necrophiles
8. Regular necrophiles
9. Homicidal necrophiles
10. Exclusive necrophiles.

I didn’t really want to go into the specifics of these. I’m not sure my life will be enhanced by knowing what “tactile necrophilia” entails, or more about “homicidal necrophiles.”

Your kink is not my kink.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarantula_hawk

When the wasp larva hatches, it rips a small hole in the spider’s abdomen, then plunges into the spider’s belly and feeds voraciously, avoiding vital organs for as long as possible to keep it fresh… Finally, the wasp becomes an adult, and tears open the spider’s belly to get out.

Tarantula wasps are also nectarivorous. The consumption of fermented fruit sometimes intoxicates them to the point that flight becomes difficult.

So the tarantula hawk is a bug that can kill a tarantula AND likes getting hammered? Badass.

That is, in theory. From afar. In practice… WHY THE FUCK WAS THIS IN MY BACKYARD AND NOW I AM TERRIFIED AND AM GOING TO HAVE NIGHT TERRORS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attrition_warfare

To quote Rodney King… “People, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along? Can we get along?”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BP

Who are these bastards, anyway?

——-

All shenanigans aside, here are ways you can help the Gulf Coast while sitting on your ass in front of your computer with your credit card in your pocket. It’s the least you can do.

Help provide the families in the Gulf with emergency assistance (food, rent, etc.) with United Way: http://www.unitedway.org/gulfrecovery

Help find and save the wildlife covered in oil, and recover the ecosystem that sustains them with The National Wildlife Federation: http://www.nwf.org/

Help the long-term recover of the Gulf’s natural habitats with The Nature Conservancy: http://www.nature.org/wherewework/northamerica/gulfofmexico/

We all live on this planet.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_United_States_foodborne_illness_outbreaks