Things I Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gyp

Gyp may refer to:

• A cheat or swindle

“Gyp” doesn’t really have a Wikipedia entry, only a disambiguation page. The above definition is what I was searching for initially.

Now, to be fair, Wikipedia didn’t know that I wasn’t searching for the writer Sibylle Gabrielle Marie Antoinette Riqueti de Mirabeau (1849-1932), aka Gyp, or the rock Gypsum, or gangster Harry Horowitz, aka Gyp the Blood. Whose details I am more than happy to add to my repertoire of useless knowledge.

The issue at hand, though, was the etymology of the word “gyp.” Earlier today, I texted a friend that “I’m conflicted because I don’t want to gyp them, but I also don’t want to royally dick myself over in the process.” (in re: my fees. Because, if you have to ask, bitch, you can’t afford me!)

My phone refused to recognize my Swype pattern of G-Y-P as a valid word while I was composing the text. Now, this isn’t indicative of anything, really: this phone also consistently autocorrects “phone” to “poutine,” “better” to “beyer,” and suggests words like “isac,” “trev,” “nieves,” “nyers,” and “devel.” (Fuck you, Droid!) However, I felt a momentary panic about whether I was spelling the word right—did it start with a J? I was reminded of my continual anxiety about the word “gibberish.” Or is it “jibberish?” I’ve never actually looked it up.

* Note to self: do that.

A quick Google search proved that my instincts were correct. But it got me thinking as to where the hell this word came from in the first place.

So, the fact that Wikipedia doesn’t actually have an entry for the word itself was kind of a downer. On the upside, I got to read about cheating and confidence games (which I already knew quite a bit about, given I wrote a research paper in college about the book “Confidence Men and Painted Women: A Study of Middle-class Culture in America), and also had the pleasure of being reminded of the Simpsons episode where Homer and Bart become grifters.

For those who have followed this rambling post, and are still interested in the origin of the word gyp, enlightenment can be gained via Dictionary.com, who lists the etymology of gyp as “to cheat, swindle; probably short for Gypsy.”

Those damn Gypsies, always trying to score a buck? (/Lira/Euro/etc.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuck

“Fuck” can be used as a verb, adverb, adjective, command, interjection, noun, and can logically be used as virtually any word in a sentence (e.g., “Fuck the fucking fuckers”). Moreover, it is one of the few words in the English language which could be applied as an infix (e.g., “Am I sexy? Absofuckinglutely!”; “Bullfuckingshit!”). It has various metaphorical meanings. The verb “to be fucked” can mean “to be cheated” (e.g., “I got fucked by a scam artist”), or alternatively, to be sexually penetrated. As a noun “a fuck” or “a fucker” may describe a contemptible person. “A fuck” may mean an act of copulation. The word can be used as an interjection, and its participle is sometimes used as a strong emphatic. The verb to fuck may be used transitively or intransitively, and it appears in compounds, including fuck off, fuck up, “fuck you”, and fuck with. In less explicit usages (but still regarded as vulgar), fuck or fuck with can mean to mess around, or to deal with unfairly or harshly. In a phrase such as “don’t give a fuck”, the word is the equivalent of “damn”, in the sense of something having little value. In “what the fuck!”, it serves merely as an intensive. If something is very abnormal or annoying “this is fucked up!” may be said.

Fuck: the miracle word, enhancing our vocabulary since the Anglo-Saxon days. (Possibly.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shako

Although the nineteenth century shako was impressive in appearance and added to the height of the wearer, it was also heavy and clumsy in the field and provided little protection against enemy action or the weather. Most models were made of cloth or felt, over a leather body and peak. During the period of general peace that followed the Napoleonic Wars, the shako in European armies became a showy and impractical headdress that was best suited for the parade ground.

“It’s a feather in your cap with General Peckem, but a black eye for you with General Schiesskopf,” Colonel Korn informed him with a mischievous look of innocence.

“Well, which one am I supposed to please?”

“Both.”

“How can I please them both? They hate each other. How am I ever going to get a feather in my cap from General Scheisskopf without getting a black eye from General Peckem?”

“March.”

“Yeah, march. That’s the only way to please him. March. March.” **

What can let you show off the feathers in your cap while you march?

Shako Can.

**Joseph Heller, Catch-22.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ketchup#Early_uses_in_English

The spelling catsup seems to have appeared first from the pen of Jonathan Swift, in 1730.

My father (whom we affectionately refer to as “Old Man River”) insists on spelling ketchup “catsup.” I’ve always assumed this was just the old-fashioned way; considering he also often calls the refrigerator the “icebox” and glue “stickum,” that assumption seems pretty reasonable.

One time he called the parking meter a “time machine.” That was unintentional but hilarious all the same. I am proud to share chromosomes with this man.

I got to thinking (as I often do, while staring in the icebox) about the actual word “catsup.” Catsup does not even remotely look like it should be pronounced catch-up to me. I see cat-sup or cats-up. Cat sup is gelatinous meat byproduct that I dump into bowls for my cats to sup on. Cats-up is the rallying cry for the pro-feline movement. Cats up, dogs down!

Neither of which reminds me of a tomato-based condiment.

Oh, Catsup, Catsup, wherefore art thou Catsup? Wikipedia is minimally helpful in this quest. According to the article (which does not cite sources for this), the sauce called “ke-tsiap” was invented in China. A debate with multiple theories of origins apparently rages on concerning the actual name of the sauce, but by the late 17th century it had come to be known as ketchup or catchup. Jonathan Swift (author of A Modest Proposal, my all-time favorite works of literature), in the following quote from A Panegyrick on the Dean, appears to have introduced the spelling in question into the popular consciousness:

And, for our home-bred British cheer, Botargo, catsup, and caveer.

That’s all Wikipedia has to offer, on that end.

World Wide Words (another favorite website of mine besides Wikipedia) is more helpful. It’s a neat little article with fun facts such as early ketchups contained no tomatoes, instead using ingredients like anchovies, mushrooms, and walnuts. And “catsup” appears to be merely J. Swift’s corruption of “catchup,” much like how “caveer” is a corruption of “caviar.” But in the end, who knows?

Boy, I’m sure glad I spent an hour and a half on this whole endeavor! Somebody make me a goddamn burger.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaywalking

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keeping_up_with_the_Joneses

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coaxial_cable

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacrebleu

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ganache