Things I Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclopia

Typically, the face is either missing or replaced with a non-functioning nose in the form of a proboscis.

Most such embryos are either naturally aborted or are stillborn upon delivery/ hatching.

Folks, this is not an article about the Cyclops, that one-eyed giant of Greek myth, as depicted above in a piece by French Symbolist painter Odilon Redon. I hated this painting the moment I first saw it years ago in an art history class, and I have continued to hate it because, frankly, it creeps me the fuck out.

Rather, this Wikipedia article is about Cyclopia—a rare birth defect of both humans and animals—and it is far, far creepier than this painting. Especially the image that the authors have chosen for the page.

So, um, don’t click on this link unless you want to see a picture of a dead human baby born with cyclopia. (Reread the block quote above.) And this is coming from someone who tosses dead baby jokes into conversation as often as god kills a kitten over someone masturbating.

You’ve been warned.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Head_transplant

Head transplantation inevitably involves decapitating the patient. Although it has been successfully performed using dogs, monkeys and rats, no human is known to have undergone the procedure.

Um, ok. Thank you, Google. I was actually searching for Dogfish Head Brewery, but this is… good enough?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wedding_ceremony_participants#Origin_and_history

I went to a wedding of a dear friend over the weekend. I was not asked to be a bridesmaid, which would have entailed me buying an expensive purple dress, coordinating such activities as decorating personalized wine glasses for a bachelorette wine-tasting trip to Napa Valley, and standing mute in front of everyone at the ceremony. And smiling.

Instead, I was asked to write something special for the bride and groom to say at the ceremony itself. This arrangement was agreeable to, and appreciated by, all parties involved.

Despite having several moments in which I was tempted to let my true colors show (“Hmm, what rhymes with ‘course?’ I know… DIVORCE!!”), the poem I wrote turned out to be appropriate, optimistic, and damn good, if I do say so myself. And I do. Nothing scandalous at all; I figured I’d compensate by getting hammered at the reception and disgracing my family. Which I did.

On the car ride home, another of my good friends (who happened to be a bridesmaid) mentioned that she’d heard a story about how the bridesmaid tradition came to be: bridesmaids were decoys, dressing in all white like the bride herself, to thwart any attempted kidnappings. I scoffed and said, “Fie. TO THE INTERNETS!” (a 5x daily utterance). Turns out, said story was half right in two different ways: the decoys were meant to distract evil spirits in Roman times, and many cultures have a bridal “kidnapping” tradition. My favorite is the Ukrainian one:

In Ukraine a best man is responsible for guarding the bride during the wedding festivities. When he or the groom steps away, the bride gets “kidnapped” or has a shoe stolen. Then the groom or the best man must pay a ransom in exchange for returning the bride, usually by paying money (which is given to the bride) or by doing something embarrassing.

I’d make a good Ukrainian groom… I have no problem with embarrassing myself.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lard

Blackberry User/American Citizen: “All right, I’m reading about lard now, I’m grossed out, late-night happy hour’s over, I’m drunk, but I can’t afford to throw down for more beer… what do we do?”

Android User/British Citizen: [silence]

BU/AC: “Bueller? Bueller? Anyone?”

AU/BC: “Oh sorry, I was checking my Twitter feed again. Hey, look at this…”

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And so it goes.

And, so ends my little theme. All of the posts have now been correctly tagged (since I forgot to include the appropriate ones on occasion), if you’re interested in seeing the whole trail. Now, back to our regularly scheduled program!

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What’s going on here?

Follow the rabbit trail!

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyena_butter

Thank you, butter Wikipedia article, for leading me to this gem of knowledge. My life is more…complete…now. Yes. Complete.

Don’t get me wrong, though. Hyena butter is no laughing matter.

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What’s going on here?

Follow the rabbit trail!

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BP

Who are these bastards, anyway?

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All shenanigans aside, here are ways you can help the Gulf Coast while sitting on your ass in front of your computer with your credit card in your pocket. It’s the least you can do.

Help provide the families in the Gulf with emergency assistance (food, rent, etc.) with United Way: http://www.unitedway.org/gulfrecovery

Help find and save the wildlife covered in oil, and recover the ecosystem that sustains them with The National Wildlife Federation: http://www.nwf.org/

Help the long-term recover of the Gulf’s natural habitats with The Nature Conservancy: http://www.nature.org/wherewework/northamerica/gulfofmexico/

We all live on this planet.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep_frying

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_United_States_foodborne_illness_outbreaks

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sausage#National_varieties

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drug_eruption

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pizza_in_the_United_States

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chow_mein_sandwich

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urine_therapy