Everything I tagged with idiocy:

Rosie Ruiz

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosie_Ruiz

In addition, her time of 2:31:56 was an unusual improvement, more than 25 minutes ahead of her reported time in the New York City Marathon six months earlier. When asked by a reporter why she didn’t seem fatigued after the grueling race, she said, “I got up with a lot of energy this morning.” Some female competitors thought it was odd that, when asked what she had noticed about Wellesley while running through it, she did not mention the students of Wellesley College, who traditionally loudly cheer the first women runners as they pass the campus.

I’ve never been one for “physical fitness.” (I’m what might be generously termed “phlegmatic.”) Growing up, kids always seemed stronger, faster, or better at me than everything, be it soccer or rollerblading, and it was kind of a bummer. It’s not that I didn’t try… I just, uh, didn’t try very hard.

Every 4th of July, my hometown hosts a 5K-10K race. (This is Southern California, after all.) It’s sort of a tradition for people to run the race in the morning, go to brunch, and then watch the parade. After a couple of half-hearted years of trying to keep up with my sister (a personal trainer) and my good friends (cross-country runners) in the race, I just gave up. One year, I dragged my friend Christy down to my level: we slept late, rollerbladed down into town, and snuck into the race with the rest of our friends a quarter of a mile before the finish line.

They were sweaty, exhausted, and not amused. But they still went out to brunch with us afterwards.

Now, imagine that instead of a 4th of July Fun Run, this was the Boston Marathon, and instead of saving time by rollerblading, we had jumped on the subway; and instead of joining our friends, we had actually cut in front of everyone else; and instead of joking, we were serious.

Because that is precisely what Rosie Ruiz did in 1980.

Rosie seemingly came out of nowhere to win the race in a record-shattering time, “the fastest female time in Boston Marathon history as well as the third-fastest female time ever recorded in any marathon,” and an improvement of more than 25 minutes from her previous New York Marathon time. All without visibly breaking a sweat! Or raising her heart rate! Or appearing in any race photos!

After about a week of investigating, race officials stripped Rosie of her title and awarded it to the “second place” winner, Jacqueline Gareau, whose time still ended up being a record for the course.

And Rosie?

In 1982, Ruiz was arrested for embezzling $60,000 from a real estate company where she worked. She then moved back to southern Florida, only to be arrested for her involvement in a cocaine deal. At last report, she was working in West Palm Beach as an account representative. To this day, she still maintains that she ran the entire 1980 Boston Marathon.

In other words… somewhat less awesome than brunch.

How to Apologize (WikiHow)

http://www.wikihow.com/Apologize

If you have a difficult time making amends for mistakes or repairing the effects of angry words, here’s how to keep your dignity while being humble, and invite forgiveness with grace. If this person ever meant anything to you or had a major impact on your life, you should apologize. Consider bringing them flowers and tell them how much you really love them and that the thought of your not being together or friends just kills you. Alternatively you could prepare a candle-lite dinner to show how much you appreciate them.

Wikipedia does not have an article about tips and techniques of apologizing for royally fucking up. Fair enough. Google was helpful in that respect.

Though not helpful in helping me actually figure out how to make amends for being an idiot, an asshole, and a shameful excuse for a human being.

This was way beyond forgetting an anniversary… flowers and a candlelight dinner ain’t going to cut it.

#imfucked

Shako (Redux)

Shako

http://www.thingsiwikipedia.com/post/1538741237/shako

“I’m totally stuck in this corner. OK…25-Across. What are those puffy hats that people in marching bands wear? I didn’t even know those had a name.”

“Haha, that’s one of my posts on Things I Wikipedia!”

“So what’s the answer?”

……………….. *blank stare*

Durrr.

BP

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BP

Who are these bastards, anyway?

——-

All shenanigans aside, here are ways you can help the Gulf Coast while sitting on your ass in front of your computer with your credit card in your pocket. It’s the least you can do.

Help provide the families in the Gulf with emergency assistance (food, rent, etc.) with United Way: http://www.unitedway.org/gulfrecovery

Help find and save the wildlife covered in oil, and recover the ecosystem that sustains them with The National Wildlife Federation: http://www.nwf.org/

Help the long-term recover of the Gulf’s natural habitats with The Nature Conservancy: http://www.nature.org/wherewework/northamerica/gulfofmexico/

We all live on this planet.

Troll (Internet)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_%28Internet%29

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.” -Albert Einstein