Things I Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclopia

Typically, the face is either missing or replaced with a non-functioning nose in the form of a proboscis.

Most such embryos are either naturally aborted or are stillborn upon delivery/ hatching.

Folks, this is not an article about the Cyclops, that one-eyed giant of Greek myth, as depicted above in a piece by French Symbolist painter Odilon Redon. I hated this painting the moment I first saw it years ago in an art history class, and I have continued to hate it because, frankly, it creeps me the fuck out.

Rather, this Wikipedia article is about Cyclopia—a rare birth defect of both humans and animals—and it is far, far creepier than this painting. Especially the image that the authors have chosen for the page.

So, um, don’t click on this link unless you want to see a picture of a dead human baby born with cyclopia. (Reread the block quote above.) And this is coming from someone who tosses dead baby jokes into conversation as often as god kills a kitten over someone masturbating.

You’ve been warned.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autophobia

Autophobia (from the Greek: ἀυτο, auto, “self” and φόβος, phóbos, “fear”), is the specific phobia of isolation; a morbid fear of being egotistical, or a dread of being alone or isolated.

Autophobia is also used in its literal context to mean an irrational fear of oneself

In a perfect world*, I’d have some sort of magic wand that I could wave to induce Autophobia in victims of my choosing. Think about it: couldn’t the world use more people who are morbidly afraid of being egotistical?

Now, now, get off your “absolute power corrupts absolutely” high-horse—I’d make great effort to use this power cautiously, judiciously, and only for the Greater Good.  It would be reserved strictly for people like violent, megalomaniacal political dictators, or the Kardashian sisters.

*for me

Image: “Self Fear” by Dominic McCann

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Head_transplant

Head transplantation inevitably involves decapitating the patient. Although it has been successfully performed using dogs, monkeys and rats, no human is known to have undergone the procedure.

Um, ok. Thank you, Google. I was actually searching for Dogfish Head Brewery, but this is… good enough?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Night_terrors

There is no scientific evidence of a link between night terrors and mental illness.

Well, at least I’ve got that going for me!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exploding_head_syndrome

Reference to the condition was made in an episode of the ITV drama Doc Martin, which was instrumental in many sufferers becoming aware that the problem was in fact a known medical condition, and not one to be concerned about.

It’s only a matter of time until the pharmaceutical industry makes many sufferers become aware that the problem is in fact a known medical condition, and one to be very concerned about, ask their doctors about, and request a new prescription drug after seeing that commercial on TV with the confessionals of an ethnically and age diverse selection of everyday people* letting them know they’re not alone. Help is out there.

*Disclaimer: Dramatization. All testimonials depicted by actors.

Image by Keith Haring.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ice-cream_headache

STOP… vanilla ice cream time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyphasic_sleep

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_United_States_foodborne_illness_outbreaks

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drug_eruption

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beeturia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Floater