Everything I tagged with politics:

List of Frivolous Political Parties

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_frivolous_political_parties

Australia

Belarus

Canada

United Kingdom

Man, what I wouldn’t give to be a part of the “Party! Party! Party!” Party.

Speaking of parties… yes, G.Wash is technically wearing a birthday hat in the picture above, but let’s pretend he’s wearing a Happy New Year’s hat.

And a happy new year to you all! Thanks for following, I promise more posts in 2012, and… stay safe.

*lol

James Buchanan (Personal Relationships)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Buchanan#Personal_relationships

For fifteen years in Washington, D.C., before his presidency, Buchanan lived with his close friend, Alabama Senator William Rufus King. Buchanan’s and King’s close relationship prompted Andrew Jackson to call King “Miss Nancy” and “Aunt Fancy”

James Buchanan was the 15th U.S. president (1857-1861), and the only one to never have been married.  The rumors about his sexuality have evidently swirled since even during his own time. The fact that this bigoted, homophobic, Puritan nation *might* have had a gay Commander-in-Chief just tickles me to the core. But this business about his… special friend… being called “Aunt Fancy” by Andrew Jackson just makes me love the dude even more.

Side note: Speaking of Andrew Jackson—lover of slavery, hater of Indians—I’ve never forgotten this fantastic story from a college history class:

Due to a series of escalating arguments in which each party hurled insults at each other, Jackson and an attorney (Charles Dickinson) agreed to a duel— to the death. Because that’s how arguments were settled back then, and Jackson was never one to back down from a challenge. The only problem for Jackson was… Dickinson was known as an expert shot.

Jackson decided to let Dickinson fire first, with the hope that he’d somehow miss his first shot. (This was beyond a Hail Mary pass.)

Now, by some act of God, Dickinson MISSED. Jackson took aim and returned the shot… right in the groin*. Of course, he wasn’t aiming for the groin, per se, but his musket had misfired. Bullets tended to be a little less reliable than they are these days. And that beyond lucky crotch shot caused Dickinson to bleed to death, meaning Jackson would live, go on to become president, indirectly kill thousands of Indians by making them march on the Trail of Tears, and quarantine the survivors on the Reservations.

But that thing about Dickinson missing? He didn’t, really. He most definitely shot Jackson—in the fucking chest —he just happened to miss the heart, lodging a lead bullet in Jackson’s chest that he would carry around for the rest of his life, “rattl[ing] like a bag of marbles,” and eventually causing him to die of lead poisoning.

Fun facts, brought to you by the History majors of America!

</sidenote>

Ok. So Buchanan’s “inability to impose peace on sharply divided partisans on the brink of the Civil War has led to his consistent ranking by historians as one of the worst Presidents.” Whatever. Bro had spunk.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

ALSO: I AM IMMEDIATELY CO-OPTING THE TERM “AUNT FANCY”

*According to Wikipedia, Jackson shot him in the chest, not the groin. But I prefer to take the word of my college professor, a 19th century American history scholar, and the professor that loved me the best.

Biography Time!

I am inordinately fascinated by other people. *

That doesn’t mean I like them. I’m just driven by an obsessive interest in how other people live: how they fill their hours, what scandals and drama weigh them down, what lifts their hearts up, what they eat for breakfast. Whether or not they’re gay, aggressively gay, closeted gay, or somewhere in the middle. I’m the kind of person who will look through your medicine cabinets not because I’m trying to find anything scandalous, but because I’m curious as to how you organize your toiletries. Because maybe there’s a better way out there that I’m unaware of. Or maybe I’d like to assess precisely how anal you are. Or maybe I’m going to find your Valtrex and blackmail you.

No, seriously, I don’t give a shit about your Valtrex. I’m more interested in banal details like whether or not your Q-Tips are accessible.

This warped obsession with human details means I spend more time than I should reading about other people. As soon as I start in on an article, everything falls apart. Do I know who this guy is? Ok, but do I *really* know who he is? Of course not. What other movies has he been in? How’d he get famous in the first place? What’s his real name? Ooh, there’s mention of an ex-wife… what’s her name? What’s her story? Who wrote this article, anyway—what’s his deal? And so on. And once I’m balls-deep in Wikipediaty, there’s no stopping me. Links lead to other links that lead to other links and so on and so forth for hours and hours… staring at my computer screen until my head feels like it’s going to explode.

That thing people say about curiosity killing the cat? Substitute “cat” with “productivity,” and you’re spot on.

Recent Biographical Wikipedia Articles I Have Accessed:

J. Edgar Hoover : “[historian David K. Johnson] views Rosenstiel as a liar who was paid for her story, whose ‘description of Hoover in drag engaging in sex with young blond boys in leather while desecrating the Bible is clearly a homophobic fantasy.’”


Sandra Bernhard (Quote): “My father was a proctologist and my mother was an abstract artist, so that’s how I view the world.”


Tupac Shakur : “Shakur’s body was cremated and some of his ashes were later mixed with marijuana and smoked by members of the Outlawz.” 


Wyclef Jean : “Although his birth date was widely given as October 17, 1972, papers filed for his run as a candidate for the presidency of Haiti, disclosed that he was, in fact, born in 1969.”


Avril Lavigne (Quote): “I won’t wear skanky clothes that show my booty, my belly or my boobs. I have a great body.”


Coen Brothers : “Joel then spent four years in the undergraduate film program at New York University where he made a 30-minute thesis film called Soundings. The film depicted a woman engaged in sex with her deaf boyfriend while verbally fantasizing about having sex with her boyfriend’s best friend, who is listening in the next room. Ethan went on to Princeton University and earned an undergraduate degree in philosophy in 1979.His senior thesis was a 41-page essay, ‘Two Views of Wittgenstein’s Later Philosophy’.”


Prahlad Jani : “After fifteen days of observation during which he reportedly did not eat, drink or go to the toilet, all medical tests on Jani were reported as normal and researchers described him as being in better health than someone half his age. The doctors reported that although the amount of liquid in Jani’s bladder fluctuated and that Jani appeared ‘able to generate urine in his bladder’, he did not pass urine.”


Otto Van Bismarck (Quote): “One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans.”


Alia Shawkat : “In October 2009, it was announced that Shawkat, Har Mar, and fellow Whip It co-star Page would produce and write a show for HBO called ‘Stitch N’ Bitch.’”


Carl Sandburg : “In Neshaminy School District of lower Bucks County resides the secondary institution Carl Sandburg Middle School. Located in the lobby is a finished split tree trunk with the quote engraved lengthwise horizontally: MAN IS BORN WITH RAINBOWS IN HIS HEART AND YOU’LL NEVER READ HIM UNLESS YOU CONSIDER RAINBOWS”


Kemp Muhl : “She is dating Sean Lennon, with whom she is involved in a musical project, titled ‘The Ghost of a Saber Tooth Tiger’.”


Aimee Crocker : “The breakup of Aimée’s first marriage became a national scandal. Porter and his brother, Sydney, kidnapped daughter Gladys in Los Angeles, while Aimée and her mother attended a wedding. Charges and countercharges made daily news during the custody battle, and courthouse proceedings attracted a crowd of hundreds. In spite of Porter’s reputation as a notorious gambler, in spite of his kidnapping charge and a weapons charge, and in spite of the Crocker millions, the little girl’s mother would not be awarded custody. Aimée, it seems, had the worse reputation.”


Lotta Crabtree : “Lotta’s mother served as her manager and collected all of Lotta’s earnings in gold, carrying it in a large leather bag. When this became too heavy, it was transferred to a steamer trunk.”


Bernie Ecclestone : “He was then married to Slavica Ecclestone (née Slavica Radić) for almost 25 years. Radić was born in the town of Rijeka in Croatia in the Federal People’s Republic of Yugoslavia in 1958. She is a 6’2” (1.88 m) former Armani model who is 28 years his junior, and 11.5 inches (29 cm) taller than her husband.”


Roseanne Barr : “At 16, Barr was hit by a car that left her with a traumatic brain injury. Her behavior changed so radically that she was institutionalized for eight months at Utah State Hospital.”


Vladimir Nabokov : “During the 1940s, as a research fellow in zoology, he was responsible for organizing the butterfly collection of the Museum of Comparative Zoology at Harvard University.”


Lash LaRue: “A role as the villain in a pornographic western, Hard on the Trail, led him to repentance as a missionary for ten years, as he had not been informed of the adult nature of the film and would not have consented to appear in the film.”


* Not necessarily by Justin Bieber.

Protests against the Vietnam War (Common Slogans and Chants)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Protests_against_the_Vietnam_War#Common_slogans_and_chants

“Draft Beer, not boys”, “Hell no, we won’t go”, “Make love, not war” and “Eighteen today, dead tomorrow” were a few of the anti war slogans.

I’ve decided “Draft beer, not boys!” is my Thing to Loudly Repeat 800 Times While Drunk at a Bar for 2011. Replacing 2010’s “What, I’m not slurring!!” and 2009’s “Who took my keys?”

Canadian Dollar (Value)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canadian_dollar#Value

The dollar has been as high as US $2.78, reached on 11 July 1864 after the United States had temporarily abandoned the gold standard.

Protip for Americans: When flipping through a Canadian magazine, prices are likely to be in Canadian dollars.

Don’t panic.

Goodluck Jonathan

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goodluck_Jonathan

“Dr. Goodluck Ebele Azikiwe Jonathan (born 20 November 1957) is a Nigerian politician and currently the President of Nigeria.

…Jonathan was born in Otueke in [what is] now Bayelsa State to a family of canoe makers.

…He holds a Bachelor of Science (B.Sc.) degree in Zoology in which he attained Second Class Honours, Upper Division. He also holds an M.Sc. in Hydrobiology/Fisheries biology, and a Doctor of Philosophy (Ph.D.) in Zoology from the University of Port Harcourt.”

With a name like Goodluck, you’ve gotta be bound for greatness. Even if you come from a family of canoe makers.

Also, he wears great hats.

Sacheen Littlefeather

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacheen_Littlefeather

Today I’m making a pledge to not accept an Oscar until the gay Native Americans can get married, too.

List of Titles and Honours of Queen Elizabeth II

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_titles_and_honours_of_Queen_Elizabeth_II

Blackberry User/American Citizen: *drooling in beer*

Android User/British Citizen: “Hey, check out all the titles Queen Elizabeth has.”

BU/AC: “Hmm?”

AC/BU/Former Australian Resident: “I’m still on the Brit track—she’s the head of the Commonwealth, and every country refers to her a little differently. That’s interesting, some of them list her as ‘defender of the faith…’ Whoa, both Australia and New Zealand do, too. I didn’t know that.”

BU/AC: (mumbling) “Well I guess that makes sense. If they were under British rule they all would have been Anglican in some way or something something something…”

AU/BC: “Huh?”

——

I want to be Queen. Only to have the following titles and honors bestowed upon me:

  • Mother of the People (British Colombia)
  • Missis Queen or The Queen Lady (Jamaica)
  • Admiral Elizabeth (Nebraska)
  • The White Heron (New Zealand, in Maori)
  • Chief Hunter of the Order of the Buffalo Hunt (Alberta, CA)
  • Grand Collar of the Order of the Aztec Eagle (Mexico)
  • Grand Cross in Brilliants of the Order of the Sun (Peru)
  • Colonel-in-Chief of the South African Railways and Harbours Brigade (South Africa)
  • Freeman in the Worshipful Company of Drapers (UK)
  • Honorary Fellow in the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (UK)

Especially that last one. Or maybe “Member First Class of the Most Esteemed Royal Family Order” in Brunei. Friends with money…

And for the record, Making the Google Homepage was not listed. But probably should be… right?

——

What’s going on here?

Follow the rabbit trail!

——

Commonwealth of Nations (Citizenship)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commonwealth_of_Nations#Commonwealth_citizenship

BU/AC: “So. You get special privileges in all of these places then… What do you get, diplomatic immunity? Car service? Shoe shine? Continental breakfast?

AU/BC: “No, it’s a tad less exciting than that. But to be fair, I hate continental breakfasts anyway.”

—-

Pretty straightforward. No one who lives in a Commonwealth state is (legally, if not in practice) a “foreigner” to another, some places share the right to vote, some offer consular assistance. And then there’s the ambiguous statement that “some members treat resident citizens of other Commonwealth countries preferentially to citizens of non-Commonwealth countries.” No word on if that includes sexual favors.

——

What’s going on here?

Follow the rabbit trail!

——

Ed. Note: This picture was just too amazing not to include.

List of Members of the Commonwealth of Nations

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_members_of_the_Commonwealth_of_Nations

Android User/British Citizen: “I was right. All the members are former British colonies or dependents of colonies, and there are 54 of them total. Australia, New Zealand, Canada, a bunch of African countries and islands… “

Blackberry User/American Citizen: “India?”

AU/BC: “Yep. Here, have a look, I’m not going to read them all out.”

BU/AC: “Dashing good show, chum! Shall we partake in another tipple, then?”

AU/BC: “Do you need to ask?”

——

Fun facts: Mozambique and Rwanda are actually the only two members that were never under British rule. Fiji’s membership has been suspended due to a coup, Zimbabwe was suspended and then withdrew its membership (aka, you can’t fire me—I quit!), and Ireland, one of the founding members, got the hell out of dodge in 1949 after it became a republic. Also, the Commonwealth nations have a combined population of 2.1 million people, 1.7 million of whom live in India, and 94% of whom live in Asia and Africa combined.

——

What’s going on here?

Follow the rabbit trail!

——

Ed. Note: This project is clearly taxing me. I’m ignoring my previous time commitment estimates and am just going to keep it going until it runs its course. Don’t everyone thank me all at once.

Most Excellent Order of the British Empire

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Order_of_the_British_Empire

Android User/British Citizen: “CBE. Commander of the Order of the British Empire.”

Blackberry User/American Citizen: “I know OBE is Order of the British Empire…”

AU/BC: “Commander is one step under Knight. Interesting. OBE is the next one down, and plain Member is under that.”

BU/AC: “So could Jobs get knighted?”

AU/BC: “Nope, it says Honorary knighthoods, given to individuals who are not nationals of a realm where Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II is Head of State. And there’s something about other titles in the Commonwealth. Hmm. I think I get special privileges in the Commonwealth states…”

BU/AC: “Which are…?”

AU/BC: “Anything once under the British crown, I think or maybe—”

BU/AC: “That’s a lot of countries. And a lot of special privileges.”

AU/BC: “But well-deserved ones.”

—-

There’s a lot of complications here, a lot of ins and outs. Rules and regulations. Pomp and circumstance. Just how the British like it.

——

What’s going on here?

Follow the rabbit trail!

——

List of Sieges of Constantinople

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sieges_of_Constantinople

This city took it up the butt more often than Jenna Jameson.

You might say it got the works. Back before it was Istanbul.