Things I Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Google_logo#Google_Doodle

My Dad:   “WHAT IS THAT THING???”

Me:   “Um… Dad. That’s Google. You know… the website?”

Dad:   “…BUT HOW DO I GET RID OF IT???!?!??!”

Computer funtime with my dad. (The man who calls the refrigerator the “icebox.”)

What he was referring to in panic was actually the Les Paul Google Doodle, an insanely addictive and interactive Google.com image in tribute to the master guitarist Les Paul (inventor of, among other things, the eponymous Les Paul guitar). In case you missed it, you could actually “play” the strings of the image like a guitar and even record your masterpiece.

In relaying the above story to my friends, however, I realized I had no idea what the actual name for the “Google.com image” was. And I was ashamed.

But I am ashamed no longer, because I am now armed with this knowledge. And I’m totally self-deprecating about it, which means I’m rubber and you’re glue and makes anything you say bounce off me and stick to you. BOOM!

(Source: twettey.com)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microwave-related_injury#Baby_injuries

There have been two alleged infant deaths caused by microwave ovens. In both cases, the babies were placed within microwaves and died of subsequent injuries.

That’s because babies are stupid, and if they don’t die in microwave-related injuries first, they grow up to be stupid adults who need WARNING: FOR BEST RESULTS, DO NOT PUT BABY IN MICROWAVE labels on their offspring.

After all, it’s just common sense. They turn out so much better when you use the toaster oven.

Image by Gregor Richards and swiped from http://donotputthebaby.com

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blow_torch

The blowtorch is commonly used where a diffuse (wide spread) high temperature naked flame heat is required but not so hot as to cause combustion or welding temperature applications: soldering, brazing, softening paint for removal, melting roof tar, or pre-heating large castings before welding such as for repairing.

Naked flames. Hot.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/QWERTY

Their adjustments included placing the “R” key in the place previously allotted to the full stop, thus enabling salesmen to impress customers by pecking out the brand name “TYPE WRITER” from one keyboard row.

Does not so much fall into the category of “Cool Topics of Conversation to Hit on Someone at a Bar With.”

But, to be fair, I do give off that kind of vibe.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skynet_(Terminator)#Origin_and_Nature

Shortly afterward it gained sentience and the panicking operators, realizing the extent of its abilities, attempted to shut it down. Skynet perceived the attempt to deactivate it as an attack and came to the conclusion that all of humanity would attempt to destroy it. To defend itself, it came to one conclusion: Humanity must be terminated.

Sure, worrying about the Zompocalypse might be trendy and all, but I feel it’s more prudent to focus on the Robocalpyse. Google is watching.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_jobs

Blackberry User: “Not bad, not bad.”

Android User: “Wow. He’s adopted, biological father is a Syrian Muslim and mom is an American. He dropped out of college after a semester, in which he took a calligraphy class. He went to India and came back a Buddhist. He called LSD the most important thing he’d ever done in his life.”

BU: “Wow, I said the exact same thing verbatim about doing hash for the first time after not smoking any pot for years.”

AU: “You would.”

BU: “Ahem…so what you’re saying is, Jobs is the shit.”

AU: “Yeah, but despite all those awards, Ive has a CBE. I think he can’t even get one as an American, anyway, but still.”

BU: “CBE? Is that one of those hoity-toity knight titles?”

AU: “Yes. Although I forget what the rank is. As a British citizen, I should know this…”

——

Jobs is, indeed, the shit. And Android User, for the record, has dual British and American citizenships. A third-culture kid. AKA, greedy.

——

What’s going on here?

Follow the rabbit trail!

——

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Jobs#Beginnings_of_Apple_Computer

Android User: “I’m still got Jony Ive’s page open, reading about his career. Interesting, he was hired upon the return of Steve Jobs’ in ‘97.”

Blackberry User: “Return? Where’d he go”“

AU: “Well, he was fired. Don’t you remember?”

BU: “Steve Jobs was fired?”

AU: *double take*

BU: “Look, I don’t know a ton about the history of Apple. Plus, I was probably too young to notice. You might be mentally immature, but I’m chronologically immature.”

AU: “Well, I don’t know what what evidence there is to support the idea that you’re somehow mentally mature, but yes, Jobs was fired.”

BU: “Why?”

AU: “To the internet!”

——-

Jobs was fired. “While Jobs was a persuasive and charismatic director for Apple, some of his employees from that time had described him as an erratic and temperamental manager… and at the end of May 1985 – following an internal power struggle and an announcement of significant layoffs – Sculley relieved Jobs of his duties as head of the Macintosh division.”

Ouch. Then again, the dude went on to buy The Graphics Group from Lucasfilms, which became Pixar. And, of course, Apple after he was rehired. So he’s not doing too bad, all things considered.

And Blackberry User was right—BU would have been a year old at the time of Jobs’s firing.

——

What’s going on here?

Follow the rabbit trail!

——

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Ive

Scene: The Bar. Over good beers.

Android User, checking Twitter feed: “Hmm, this guy just said something about Jony Ive, but didn’t @ reply him. The guy’s GOT to have a Twitter account.”

Blackberry User: “Who?”

AU: “Oh come on. Apple? Main designer? Responsible for their whole modern aesthetic? Jobs can basically never fire him, because he’s so important to the company. He’s probably more important than Jobs. I wonder what his actual title is…”

——

Senior Vice President of Industrial Design, in fact. Designated “world’s smartest designer” by Fortune Magazine and “most influential Briton in America” by The Daily Telegraph. Not to mention CBE, “Most Excellent Order of the British Empire.” Also a sexy, sexy man, apparently. Image is pilfered from Fuck Yeah Jony Ivey, if you’re into that.

——

What’s going on here?

Follow the rabbit trail!

——

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_Lazaridis

“At age 12, he won a prize at the Windsor Public Library for reading every science book in the library.”

Power to the nerds—this dude’s rich. He’s the evil genius behind the Blackberry. Meanwhile, Steve Jobs is cackling in his igloo of gold blocks.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Hat_Briefings

Oops.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BP

Who are these bastards, anyway?

——-

All shenanigans aside, here are ways you can help the Gulf Coast while sitting on your ass in front of your computer with your credit card in your pocket. It’s the least you can do.

Help provide the families in the Gulf with emergency assistance (food, rent, etc.) with United Way: http://www.unitedway.org/gulfrecovery

Help find and save the wildlife covered in oil, and recover the ecosystem that sustains them with The National Wildlife Federation: http://www.nwf.org/

Help the long-term recover of the Gulf’s natural habitats with The Nature Conservancy: http://www.nature.org/wherewework/northamerica/gulfofmexico/

We all live on this planet.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hosts_file

Relevant to the 7-hour session I spend in front of my laptop cleaning a virus. You may now proceed to hire me as Chief Technology Officer.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_House_Situation_Room

Y’know, crazy technology and national security and that kind of stuff. Nothing to do with this: