Things I Wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caltrop

They may be thought of as the landmines of antiquity, useful to shape the battlefield and force the enemy into certain paths and approaches, or to provide a passive defense as part of a defensive works system.

Oh pish. The real “landmines of antiquity” were steaming piles of cow shit… AMIRIGHT?!!

Oh, but I am. Fun fact: the British Special Operations Executive, a secret offshoot of MI6 (the equivalent to the U.S. CIA, more or less) created during World War II, developed actual land mines that were disguised as piles of cow shit.

Ingenious… except nobody in their right mind goes out of their way to step on a pile of cow shit, right? (But then again, people are weird.) The exploding cigars the CIA developed for Fidel Castro in the 50’s seem like they’d be more effective than exploding piles of shit to me.* (But then again, he’s still alive.)

Anyexplodingpileofshitway… caltrops. New words excite me, and I’m glad to add this one to the arsenal in my brain. I’ve always just referred to them as “tire spikes,” which is indeed one of their modern uses, but is akin to calling a tissue a “snot rag.” Or a boner a “towel rack.” Or a banana a “laxative.”**

Uhh… boy, am I ever STRAIGHT FLUSHed*** thinking about all this. It’s just all so… stimulating.****

…

…

Or maybe it’s because I’m drunk.

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*Note to Self: That Wikipedia article on “Exploding Cigars” should probably be your next post.

**Note to Self: “Laxative” seems like a pretty good next post, too. WAIT, shit, you’re showing your hand—quick, bluff your way out of it!

***Note to Self: Smooth move, Ex-Lax. No wonder you never win at Poker Night.

****RRRRRRRRIMSHOT!

(Source: gatherer.wizards.com)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Protests_against_the_Vietnam_War#Common_slogans_and_chants

“Draft Beer, not boys”, “Hell no, we won’t go”, “Make love, not war” and “Eighteen today, dead tomorrow” were a few of the anti war slogans.

I’ve decided “Draft beer, not boys!” is my Thing to Loudly Repeat 800 Times While Drunk at a Bar for 2011. Replacing 2010’s “What, I’m not slurring!!” and 2009’s “Who took my keys?”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petard

The word petard comes from the Middle French peter, to break wind…The word remains in modern usage in the phrase hoist with one’s own petard, which means ‘to be harmed by one’s own plan to harm someone else’ or ‘to fall into one’s own trap,’ literally implying that one could be lifted up (hoist, or blown upward) by one’s own bomb.”

He who smelt it, dealt it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sieges_of_Constantinople

This city took it up the butt more often than Jenna Jameson.

You might say it got the works. Back before it was Istanbul.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attrition_warfare

To quote Rodney King… “People, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along? Can we get along?”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shillelagh_%28club%29

Irish up your next St. Patrick’s day beat-down with a little Jameson-fueled rage stick.

Like you need another excuse to get violent, ya feckin wanker.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_House_Situation_Room

Y’know, crazy technology and national security and that kind of stuff. Nothing to do with this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_Danube_%28nuclear_weapon%29

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glossary_of_nautical_terms